What is undivided devotion for single women?

In Part 1 of his article, I offered a theology of singleness and asserted that single Christians inherently witness to God’s goodness and to the life of the world to come. However, even Christians convinced singleness is good can struggle to explain what that means in practical terms, especially when singleness is defined as being unmarried—framed as a lack of something (we never call married people “unsingle”!). In this post, I explain what witnessing to God’s goodness and to eternity might look like in everyday life.

Singleness facilitates undivided devotion to God.

The primary way singleness witnesses to God’s goodness and to the life of the world to come is through the freedom to focus on God that it affords. In 1 Cor. 7:32-34, Paul writes:

“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”

As the apostle details, being single does lend itself to an undivided relationship with God, while marriage makes complete devotion to the Lord more complex (though we needn’t think Paul is saying it is impossible).

However, we must be careful in the application of this teaching, as it often gets co-opted to support the idea that being single means one inherently has more free time and thus should volunteer at church more, become a missionary, etc. It is important to understand that Paul is not saying that the goodness of singleness lies in its potential “usefulness.”

How to apply Paul’s teachings on singleness.

Many well-meaning believers repeat the idea that singleness is for the purpose of “service to the church,” framing it in such a way that the single Christian may feel false guilt if they are not devoting every spare moment to serving. However, Paul is not talking about how many chairs you can stack, or how many hours you can work in the nursery, or how many people you can run a church carpool for if you don’t have a spouse and kids. He is pointing out that singleness allows the individual, in their inward being, to better concentrate on their ultimate allegiance to God.

Singleness allows the individual, in their inward being, to better concentrate on their ultimate allegiance to God.

This does not necessarily mean that singles are called to do visibly extraordinary work, or that they will have more free time. As many of us know, the financial and logistical difficulties of daily life as a single person can be very time-consuming! Rather, the “extraordinary work” of the single person is, at root, the same as that of all Christians: be a faithful follower of Jesus. But singleness can free you to relentlessly focus on Christ in ways that are simply harder for the married person to do. And in so doing, you testify to God’s goodness in your life and illustrate the eternal purpose of every believer, which is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (Westminster Catechism, Q.1).

You don’t have to live in a monastery.

This relentless focus on Jesus will look different for each person. We must avoid the temptation to assume that our spiritual lives should look like those of vowed monastics or of “exceptional” Christians whose lives are immortalized in biographies. I often feel deficient next to such examples, and it sometimes causes me false guilt.

Much more helpful to me is the insight that many of my time commitments and interpersonal connections as a single person are more voluntary, and that I should consider how you can leverage this flexibility to “redeem the time” (Ephesians 5:16) and concentrate on serving God’s purposes for my life and the lives of others.

Married Christians must do this too, but there may be more impediments to them devoting focused time to worship, prayer, Scripture reading, and fellowship with other believers, particularly if they have kids.

Consider how you can prioritize spending time with God and then sharing the spiritual riches he has given you with others. Live in a posture of continual openness to where God would have you focus your time, energy, and resources.

Your particular life and unique community will give shape to what your “relentless focus” will look like.

Get involved in your local church.

In my own life, singleness has indeed involved considerable commitment to my local church. I am a full-time graduate student and I am neither rich, nor extroverted, nor even particularly full of energy most days. But I try to continually look for ways in which I can sustainably be involved in God’s Kingdom. I help set up communion, give people rides to worship, and stack chairs. I attend prayer meetings whenever possible. I contribute time to projects and outreach, meals to meal trains, and money to my presbytery’s diaconal fund. I give what gifts and service I can, but make sure I am not giving reluctantly or under compulsion (2 Cor. 9:7).

Volunteering for things you do not have the resources to do breeds resentment and is not the kind of sacrificial life God desires. In your own life and social context, look for what small things you can concretely, practically do, and be faithful in those little things. Do not let vague ideas of “super-Christians” cloud your mind.

Answering challenges, challenging perceptions.

In 2021, when my journey into studying singleness and wrestling through my vocation had just begun, I did not have a firm enough footing to respond to the charge that desiring to be single was outside of God’s will, regardless of the reasons for or use of that status. But now, were I to encounter someone like the woman from my church (who is no longer in my congregation), I would say something like, “Yes, marriage is good, and I have an obligation as a Christian woman to serve others, and especially to consider how being female means I have unique gifts to give. But singleness is described by both Paul and Jesus as allowing a more undivided pursuit of holiness, and I believe I can make good use of that opportunity, with His empowerment, for however long the Lord calls me to remain single.”

To someone who is rooted in the view that being single is inherently “not good,” these truths may not land. But pointing out the high praise of singleness by not only the Apostle Paul but by Christ Himself may open the door to reconsideration by those accustomed to reading Scripture through a marriage-centric lens.

Defend Jesus, not singleness.

“The goal of my life is the same as that of every other Christian: to become like Christ through pursuing God’s will and surrendering to His sanctifying work in me.”

Justice Flint

While being able to give a biblical defense for the goodness of being single—either for a season or for a lifetime—is important, my ultimate calling is not to persuade everyone around me that what I am doing is valid, good, and holy. As the cliché goes, actions speak louder than words.

The goal of my life is the same as that of every other Christian: to become like Christ through pursuing God’s will and surrendering to His sanctifying work in me. Gloriously, this path is unique for each person, and involves at least some period, no matter how brief or long, of experiencing the Christian life as a single individual. I know the best witness I can have to my church and to the wider world is to simply do what Paul recommends and be concerned “about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit” (1 Cor. 7:34).

Single women are not incomplete.

If you have ever felt looked at as incomplete, deficient, immature, or in some way a “failure” because you are unmarried, please know that God does not see you that way. If you are in reconciled relationship with God, you lack nothing you need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), and you are no less of a valuable member of His Body. You have nothing to prove to Him or others.

But if you are ever asked, whether in curiosity or opposition, about being unmarried, be ready to give an answer, with gentleness and respect, for the hope that is within you (1 Peter 3:15)—the hope that the gospel brings to all people, whether single or married, and the hope that you have in Christ for the goodness He works in and through you via the unique opportunities of your singleness.

Never forget: regardless of whether marriage is a part of your earthly sanctification and training in holiness, it is indeed eternal singleness—a state not of solitude or deficiency, but of perfect union with God and communion with fellow saints—for which you are being prepared.